My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
