lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
