I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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