Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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