How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
