not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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