God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
