Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
