Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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