Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My feet surprised me
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