Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
