Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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