we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
