Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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