They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
