i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
