Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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