Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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