i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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