The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We talked him into tasing himself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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