I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize