the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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