I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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