I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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