Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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