It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
