So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize