Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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