i think i scared a bird with my dick
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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