I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
two words...techno handjob
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
