the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
