he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
