i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
