you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
