new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
