so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize