Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
