I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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