Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Green mimosas i think yes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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