Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
