Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
