I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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