why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
