does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
