Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
