the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
