so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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