I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
