She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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