She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
