I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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