uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
