dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
