Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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