just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
