Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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