Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I want to fling myself into the sun
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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