I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
