Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
