Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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