I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
