he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
