The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you win again, gameday.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
