good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
