I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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