You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My penis needs a shock collar
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
