Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
