A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
