So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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