So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
