shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
