ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
