I just saw a hot homeless man
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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